The honeymoon phase, we’ve all experienced it in some form or fashion. My time in India is now 1/3 way complete. I met my amazing team and began this incredible journey one month ago. Though I felt this “honeymoon phase” drawing to an end the last couple weeks, I am certain this past week it ended. And this isn’t a bad thing by any means, just where the real challenges begin, which means real growth.
So what has this looked like for me?
Relationships:
Probably what most of you can best relate to is the relational part. There are six of us on my team, all girls. Six girls, six different ages, six different walks with the Lord, all with different strengths and weaknesses, personalities, and different leadership styles. All living in very close quarters. The first couple of weeks we dared not to have any problems. No disagreements, no “constructive” feedback, nothing. But the honeymoon’s over. No, it’s not an episode of “The Real Housewives” and it will never be. The beauty of relationships in Christ is conflict is seen as healthy when handled in a godly way. And although the frustrations and relational challenges have begun, it’s good. Teammates have called things out in me which people haven’t before, and me in them. At the time it’s hard to hear, but all conflict has a purpose here, to encourage and push one another closer to Christ. Although we’re redeemed sinners, we’re sinners nonetheless and we’ve had to apologize to each other as well. We still have two months together, and even though the honeymoon’s over, I am excited about the good and difficult weeks ahead with them!
This week I got sick. I’ll spare the details, but just know I have not been this sick in a really long time. After many hours in the bathroom, a trip to the doctor, a shop in my arm and hip, a bunch of medicines, no food for almost two days, missing two full days of ministry, and what felt like extreme dehydration and near death, (being a little dramatic about the death part) I am finally back to 100%. Sickness was bound to happen. It usually does when in a new and much dirtier place with new food, new germs, etc. But sickness doesn’t happen in the honeymoon phase, another reason I knew this honeymoon was over.
One of the reasons I felt called to India was I new it was time for me to be shaken, stretched, and get uncomfortable, and don’t get me wrong, the first three weeks I definitely experienced some of that. A new culture, new environment, new community, seeing extreme poverty in a new way, my heart has been broken and I’ve already learned and had my eyes opened to a lot. But before this week, a part of me was still feeling like this has been easier than it should be. Then earlier this week my heart started feeling very heavy. I know the spiritual realm is very real but have never really acknowledged it much. However, all of a sudden I started becoming more aware of it, feeling the heaviness and oppression in a new way, one that makes my heart heavy and uncomfortable. And other things, too, I am starting to think about. Like spiritual gifts and really knowing in my heart I want to know the Lord’s deepest desires and emotions for me. But with that I am also acknowledging my fear to truly know the Lord’s deepest emotions and desires for me. Then I see how that fear really does affect the way I hold back love for my family and friends, people I minister to and come in contact with. On top of these realities this week, the Lord started to reveal sin in me that is deeper that what are visible and tangible, things deeper than the surface. I’ve either chosen to ignore them or I am now in a place to see them clearly for what they are, and it’s been things that have been hard to admit and has taken true humility to acknowledge as sin.
The last week has been my most difficult since being in India. I feel like I’m finally cracking the surface of what it means to be uncomfortable, and I don’t mean geographically. I’m finally acknowledging sin I need to let the Lord deal with, been sick and helpless, and learning to live in a community that I didn’t choose, but the Lord chose, where conflict is unavoidable.
did, because it’s once the honeymoon ends you enter reality. It’s once
the challenges being you learn to surrender. It’s once you’re truly
uncomfortable you’re transformed.
