I want to serve the Lord
With every fiber in my being
Nothing wavering
But my flesh screams out
This week has been a battle
A battle within myself
A battle to represent
The One True Light
Looking back on this week, it was a little bit of a battle. A battle within myself. A battle to represent the Light of Christ. My selfish desires have tried to rise to the top. Days of wanting to be alone and act as if I no longer was visible came upon me more than once. Weariness was beginning to wrap itself around me. Some days, I didn’t want to do anything but just be there physically. My heart was growing tired. I would minister and do what I had to with the children at preschool, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was only doing what I had to do. I even began to unknowing distance myself within my team. Going an extra mile to make sure that one child learns how to write the number three correctly or to start a conversation with my teammate never seemed to cross my mind. Or it did and I ignored it. But what did cross my mind more than it should have was, “How much longer… until I get a break?�. Sad I know, but true.
I was brought to my knees on Thursday night at house church however. During worship, the Lord convicted me of my sin. He convicted me of being selfish. Being selfish of wanting to be alone so much. Being selfish of not wanting to talk or help a child with a small and minute detail. Physically I may have helped them, but in my heart, I did not feel like helping them. But slowly tears began to splash into my open hands, and a refreshing washed over me as I confessed my sins unto the Lord. (1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness.)
Worship ended and the speaker spoke a message that cut straight to the heart. He talked about going the extra mile and living above reproach. He told the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how Rebekah went out of her way to give Isaac’s servant a drink from the well. But she also went the extra mile to water all the camels. If you know anything about camels… they drink A LOT of water. This story was a type and shadow of how we are as the bride of Christ. If Rebekah went out of her way to serve the servant of Isaac, how much more are we to go out of our way to serve the King of Kings!!
This battle within me did not just disappeared from the moment I confessed my sins. The devil has tried to bring up many more incidences since then to prick my flesh and cause the Light to diminish from within. It’s been a daily battle, but I won’t give up and my flesh won’t rule. I will serve the Lord with every fiber in my being.
