Three weeks. Three weeks from today and then I’ll be home.
…I can’t believe that. It seems like it has been ages since I have been home. I know it’s only the beginning of April but time seems to be flying by. And now, before I know it, I will be boarding a plane back to the US.
A little over two months ago, I left everyone and everything I knew behind. Two months ago, I boarded a plane with five other girls I barely knew. Two months ago, I wondered why the hell I ever decided to go on a mission trip.
The past couple of months have been the hardest months of my life – I have been stretched emotionally, and my character defined. In other words, I have had to grow up. I couldn’t hide in my room if circumstances got uncomfortable. I couldn’t consult my family or close friends for advice. Instead, I had to talk to the five strangers I lived in community with.
Then came the three ministry sites that we had been assigned to. I had never been on a mission trip before, so everything we have done was totally and completely new. Even going to Asha House (the orphanage) was very difficult for me because I have never spent that much time with kids. It took me nearly six months before I could even hold my baby nephew. So, to start playing with the kids on the first day was a stretch for me and scared me to death.
When I look at my journal entries from the very first month, they mostly consist of “What the HECK am I doing?” and “I want to go home”. Walking into the leper colony, and having to shake hands with someone who didn’t have any fingers made my stomach clench. Showing love and compassion to those who needed it was hard because it did not come natural to me. Sitting in a house as big as my room and having chai out of a dirty cup made me uneasy.
Now, however, things have changed. I absolutely love the kids at Asha. I love hanging out with them, giving them piggyback rides, chasing them around and tickling them. These are the childish activities I loved as a kid. I really care about the children at Asha. One of the reasons I don’t want to leave India is because I do not want to leave the relationships that I have built with them behind. I don’t just want to be a vague memory.
Next week, we are sleeping over – three girls from my team one night and three another. I’m really excited about this fun opportunity and I can’t wait. I only hope and pray that God gives me the strength and endurance I am going to need – kids are so darn energetic!
As for the leper colony and the slums, neither place has been easy, especially with the language barrier. However, we have been teaching about Christ at the leper colony and praying over them. I personally have not made deep relationships with them because I am still uncomfortable when we go, but it gets easier every time. But I want to make the most out of the next two weeks, so with God’s help, I want to be a light to them.
The slums have been a little easier because I have been mostly working with kids. The hardest part for me is praying out loud. What I need to remember is that it is just an audience of, and for, One. Thankfully every time gets a little better. I am hoping for an opportunity to step out and read one Bible story. I just find so much joy when I watch their faces light up as they draw pictures and share them with us, or listening to the kids as they sing Christian songs in Hindi.
But perhaps the biggest lesson that I have learned is about faith and what it really means. Now I want to know what God wants me to do with my life. I want to hear His voice and continue tearing down the emotional walls I built around my heart. I want the gift of tongues and I want to see healings. I want to remove the cloud of doubt that continues to hinder me. However, I am beginning to trust God with my future and am waiting for the next step He wants me to take. I want to shake off any anxiety and stress I feel and instead be filled with peace. In whatever path God wants me to take, I want to impact the world. At this point in my life, I don’t feel called to college but possibly international missions. I have a heart for women and children. However, I want to follow the Lord in whatever way He takes me and to have the right attitude about it.
So much has happened over these last couple of months, and I can’t wait to see what the Lord does in the next three weeks.
