Strong, overwhelming feelings have come over me today. I have been back in America for almost 48 hours. Excitement, exhaustion, sadness, and anger are all some things that I have been feeling. I was SO excited to come back home, but now, all I want is to be back in the room that smelled like pee and mold. I want to be surrounded by all the Indian people and my wonderful teammates in a crowded smelly bus. I want to be soaked from the rain all day long at the preschool.
Today, I went to walmart with my dad to get a few groceries and such. Looking at the prices and just people watching was TOTALLY overwhelming. I wore shorts and a tshirt. I say this because I have not had my legs exposed at all over the past 2 months, so they are as white as a babies bottom. At first I started thinking oh gosh, these people are going to see my nasty white legs. But then I looked and saw these tanned up Americans, all in their own little world. Then I realized hm.. they aren’t paying attention to me, it was selfish of me to think that in the first place!!
So now, on to prices, I got the cheapest tooth brush and it was $1.50. I thought to myself, I could get at least 3 meals at a restaurant in India for $1.50. I told my dad that and he was shocked. I just kept walking around aimlessly looking at people, wondering what they were thinking about. I know some of them are just as desperate for Jesus as the beggar children we would see in India. But, it was very hard not to feel a little anger when I looked at all these people, wishing that they could have seen what I have seen and experienced just a taste of india. When we were checking out, I was chatting with the cashier and asked her how she was. She responded with “burning up”. I kind of laughed inside, wanting to say “well try going somewhere where there isn’t any air conditioning, lady!!”
Today, I realized so many things that I have completely taken for granted that the Lord has blessed me with. I don’t really understand why he has given me so much and others so little compared. But all I know is that he offers the SAME unconditional love and forgiveness to everyone. And that’s what I desire for people to experience. I don’t want to be one of those people who resents America and is pessimistic to the way of life here. I don’t want to conform to the world either. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I want to listen to his voice and obey. I want to love like he loves!!
