I wonder how so many could be in so much pain,
While others don’t seem to feel a thing.
I curse my whiteness and get so damned depressed,
In a world of suffering why should I be so blessed?
Brett Dennen, There Is So Much More
Sometimes I catch myself staring.
I’m staring at the beggar children. At the people dying on the streets. At the people going in and out of the mosques. At women with black eyes and men with cold hearts. I’m staring at the shacks people call home. At the trash kids play in. I’m staring into eyes that lack any trace of hope. At people who feel all the world’s sorrow pressed against their chests.
I curse my whiteness. I curse my wealth. Every night fate keeps me awake.
Why was I the one chosen to be born into a life of unnecessary luxury? What was G0d thinking when He decided it was okay to bless me? I was born into a life of freedom and opportunity. Meanwhile, these precious children I spend my days with were born with a birthright of poverty, oppression and disease. Everyday greets them with despair. Evening only offers them fear. This place gives me heavy boots.
Right now, in this moment, I would gladly trade places with them. I would trade just so they could know what it’s like to have Love wrap her arms around you and feel Grace whisper her promises in your ear at night. They would understand what it’s like to hear the melody that Hope sings over your life and how it feels when Security holds your hand.
But the reality is none of these things are bought with money or earned by the color of our skin. Not one of these things are truly found in anything but Him. He is love in its purest form. He gives grace in unmatchable ways. All the things He offers are what make life bearable, no matter what fate dishes out. Though I still struggle with anger about how G0d’s been too kind to me, I acknowledge that the best way to help the “less fortunate” is to show them Him.
Love will come set me free.
