It’s in their smiles and in their laughs. It’s when they
look to you after every moment. Something funny happens; they take a glance.
Something goes wrong; they hunt for your answer. It is all in that look. I’m
responsible, responsible for their response, responsible for their
confirmation, happiness, encouragement. I know that look. I used to give it.
Any happiness I had would sink to shame if he disapproved or soar exponentially
if he found joy in it too. I was so concerned about what he thought and if I
was good enough. He had an authority over me which dictated my actions,
confidence, and thoughts. I put him on a pedestal out of my deep pride and
respect. And now I sit, reveling in the realization that I am now that person
to some of the world’s finest boys. The world seems to have rotated 180
degrees; my perspective is so altered. The irony in all of this is with the
quotation on the bottom of the very journal page I percieved my new sight. “The
real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having
new eyes” – Proust. Haha thanks. I think I got it. Lessson clearly learned ;)!
