Extinguished… Reignited

I remember when I first read that story and thought to myself: “Man, Jesus really wanted some fruit.” But, as with everything Jesus said and did, the message was there, it was just not direct. BOOM! God hit me with a revelation. There I was typing up this sugar-coated, happy-go-lucky blog proclaiming how wonderful everything is, when in reality this week was really, REALLY rough for me. I was proclaiming: “Look at all this fruit!”, Showing off my branches from afar, when in reality, up close, it wasn’t as peachy (pun intended)as I was pretending it was. So I decided to come clean, and write an honest account of how my week went, even though it is not the most encouraging. Here we go:

This week started like most other weeks, David waking me up 10 minutes before we have to leave. However, something was weird that morning. I was exhausted. I didn’t know why, I had been sleeping well. Never rolling around or waking up, but this morning my brain was screaming “I don’t want to do anything!” I just shrugged it off, it was a minor annoyance then. Everything that day was extremely difficult for me. Playing with the kids, singing during worship, interacting with the group. When we got home, I crashed thinking “Finally, I’ll get some rest and it will be over.” Boy, was I wrong. 

After sleeping well for another full night, I awoke with the same exact feeling. It wasn’t an annoyance anymore, I was frustrated. I couldn’t focus on anything else. I was becoming bitter. The enemy had a foothold, and I didn’t even know it. Being distracted for those two days I hadn’t realized I wasn’t feeding myself spiritually by diving into the word, praying, singing, or anything. I was spiritually dead. My fire was extinguished and I didn’t even notice because I was too busy focusing on figuring out why I was tired, instead of focusing on my source of life and energy.

The foothold was getting larger and larger. My past sins were coming back to haunt me, I was in a tailspin. Doubt was creeping into every spiritual thought. Laziness was overtaking love in my priorities. It was bad. Worst part was I was too “tired” to realize or even care about any of it anymore. I had checked out.

And now the word you have all been waiting for: BUT, God hadn’t checked out. He went after His sheep like He promises. We were talking in a group one night and I was trying my hardest to stay awake. Then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, I ask: “Can y’all pray for me?” I hadn’t planned on asking it. It just flowed out of me. The Spirit was moving. So my team laid hands on me and spoke truth over me. My doubt was combating EVERYTHING that was attempting to enter my heart and revive it, but I heard the Voice of Truth. “Listen to me, son.” He was fighting for my heart. My brain FINALLY shut down. The life that my team was speaking flooded into my heart. (My team is so amazing, I don’t know what I’d do without them.) It was time to pray.

I headed into my room and brought it all to God. I could see so clearly now. How could I have been so stupid? My heart was beating again, and it was broken. Again I spit in my Savior’s face. Again I turned my back on my creator. But when I came to His feet in pieces, what did He do? Did He reject me and say “Nope, not this time. You don’t get a 1076589th chance.” No, He made me whole again, filled me with His peace. His hand was held out to me and He was saying. “I forgive you. Now let’s get back to work.”

I am now chuckling because I began this by saying this wouldn’t be encouraging, but ended up describing how forgiving Christ is. The Lord definitely had a plan for this blog, and He wasn’t gonna let me ruin it, haha. 

I am going to end with a challenge: We all screw up. But regardless of what we have done God still wants to be with you, and use you. He is extending His hand to you saying “I forgive you, let’s get back to work.” He is reaching for you. Are you reaching for Him?