Being on a bus leaves you with a lot of time to…well, think.
And since we have been in India, we have rode on a bus just about everyday Monday-Friday for 2 times a day, and on the weekends to get to church. The bus ride is usually one of excitement, of amusement, or of irritation, but yes, even when we are squished between an Indian (or 4) and a teammate, we have time to think. But earlier this week, we took various buses from Goa to Bangalore, a flight from Bangalore to Dehli, where we then took a bus from Dehli to Agra (to see the Taj Mahal) and back. In 4 days that was about 25 hours being seated in buses. And in buses that were air conditioned, had reclining seats, and many views of India to see. And so, being on a couple of buses for 25 hours leaves a lot of time for not only thinking, but tears, especially when you had just left the ministries you love. Here is something I wrote on the bus.
(On the way to Bangalore)
I can’t even think.
When I do I only think of those kids.
Of their laughter.
Of their small hands and tiny feet.
Running, running, fast through those slums.
Running fast towards us.
Of their embraces. Of holding them close.
Of their sweet smiles.
Of how they say our names. Or how they call us “teacha”.
I love those kids with all of me.
So of course saying goodbye was the hardest thing I ever had to do in the last 3 months of being here. Maybe hardest thing I had to do since being called to all this. Even harder than listening to God. Harder than raising all the funds to get here in under 2 months. Harder than leaving my boyfriend and all my plans just to enter the unexpected. And the Lord stirred me to do all that to meet these kids. To bless their families. To love them with everything. And now we are at the end and the image I cannot seem to shake is the image of their tears streaming down their faces. Of faces nuzzled into our arms or at our waists as they wept. Their tiny mouths that were usually smiling in a frown, as whimpers and wails escaped.
I love those kids with all of me. And though it’s hard to leave them, I am privileged to have been in their life for a season. To have loved them so much that it was actually difficult to say goodbye. To love them with the love of Christ, knowing that His love would remain with them, He would remain with them, even if we weren’t there. And knowing that God is continually with them, makes it easier to leave. Knowing that the Lord is watching over them. That He has their futures in His hands. That just as much as they don’t have to worry, neither do any of us because the Lord is with them. He is there. Always.
Making sure their laughter keeps going.
Making sure their hands and feet continue to grow.
That they continue to run fast through those slums.
That they have more love to give through their embrace.
That more people get to love on them by holding them close.
That they will continue to smile.
And learn even more names and be blessed with even more “teacha”s.
That the Lord will love those kids with all of Him.
Because He already does. And for a moment in time, it was through me.
