The Scream Within

A couple days ago I was holding Pritam, watching the other 16 boys being loved on by the team, when I heard God speak. He said, “If you ever needed to lay down your life for one of your siblings you would, right?” As the oldest of the family I have always been really protective of my younger siblings so it is a definite yes. I looked down into the eyes of my little friend, who is 4 years old and has already known a lifetime of suffering, I heard God ask, “What about him? He is your brother Kayla. Will you fight for him? Would you die for his sake?” I felt like a brick hit me right in my chest. If any of my siblings had to face some of the things these kids have I would be extremely angry. And yet… these are my brothers. The kids out in the street right now facing physical, emotional and sexual abuse are mine also. I could feel the righteous anger burning deep down inside.

In that moment I also realized how selfish I had been. My family is as safe as they can be and it’s extremely selfish of me to want to spend all my time with them when my other part of my family is dying out in the cold streets. This gave me a huge awakening.

My scream against injustice has been building up inside of me for a long time, 5 years to be exact, but I didn’t realize how loud it has gotten until I arrived in India. I feel like I could scream as loud and as long as I can and still not fully get it out. I hate injustice. I hate it so much. Even just thinking about it I have tears in my eyes and anger burning deep in my stomach. They are just kids! Sweet, innocent, and full of life but all that life and innocence gets stolen from them at such a young age. This is not ok. It’s not!

This brings me to another huge question: Where is the Church in all of this? Why in the world have we not stepped in and stopped this sooner? Why don’t I see people stopping it now? Now, I do know some people who have taken up to the challenge but are those few all we got church? A small handful of people for the millions who are hurting? Did you find “live the comfortable American dream” somewhere in the Bible? This just breaks my heart! Not only because millions are suffering, but there is a whole other side to all of this as well. If you choose to not care about the suffering in this world then in the process of doing so you are also choosing to not care about God’s heart. The closer you are to who He is makes it pretty impossible to not see how His heart is with the least of these. So in choosing to be comfortable you are also choosing to not know, feel, and hear the way God’s heart beats. You choose to not KNOW who God is. The good, faithful, and loving Father who is also a fierce warrior and HATES injustice. This makes me ridiculously sad so I can’t imagine how God feels.

All of this has been burning in me for such a long time. A righteous anger that keeps getting thicker and stronger with each face I see that holds a story of a hard life written across it. I now realize that I have already died for them. My life isn’t mine anymore. If it takes me the rest of my life to see little Pritam, Soel, Hopen, and thousands of kids faces that I have seen but didn’t have the privilege of knowing their name find life once again… then that’s ok with me. I want to run through the nations and rip open the jail cells these kids are placed in by other people’s hurts and wounds. Such a wicked cycle! Maybe, with God in my every breath, my life given can bring true life to thousands more.