The way God works is a mystery to me. He brings us to places to break us and re-make us. We can never understand His way of doing it but rather walk with Him and trust where He goes. I’m learning this process in life, but even more here in India.
Coming to India in my mind (which is never right when God is in control) looked like I would come to India to serve the kids of these houses and serve the foster moms and it was going to be great. I would be selfless and God would teach me a bunch of things like that, but I was wrong and God had in place a much bigger plan. The first part of my trip I was at a training camp, where I got to meet my team, but also to prepare me spiritually for the field. Each day at camp they asked us to share different things in our lives (I can’t remember them all though. Lol). This was the beginning of my long journey. To start, I’m an introvert, but I’m also a thinker (like 17 out of 3 for thinker-feeler) so I process everything, and then process it again (possibly a third time too), so I hate being vulnerable; as much as I like to talk and as much as people have seen me share, I actually don’t like it. It’s more about the Lord calling me to share rather than me feeling the want to share. Second, I was sharing with [ALL] new people, like I literally met them that day and they wanted me to share my heart…..no thank you. But I shared and it was amazing! I grew through the simplicity of opening my mouth and being honest with where I was at, rather than throwing it to the side and being ‘strong’ or trying to process by myself and over thinking everything. That is what we call stage of growth part: One.
The next stage begins when I arrive in India.
Upon arriving in India I was hit with something I had never experienced before: HOMESICKNESS. I can’t remember ever feeling the way I did when I first got to India. Everything I knew and was comfortable with was suddenly ripped from my hands and I was left with three sleeping mats on the floor (which might I mention that my bed is one of the places in the world that I feel most comfortable and safest. I often retreat to my bed when life is overwhelming to me, so for me not to have a bed was a HUGE stretch for me), my bible, journal and ten people I had never met (oh and the always trustworthy pillow pet). I didn’t know what to do with myself. I cried day in and day out. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and weeping, asking myself what I had done and asking God why He would let me go through something like that. And on top of all of this, it was my birthday and it was the best-worst birthday ever. I will never forget that day. We went out to buy clothes and then we toured all the house of the orphanage, and then my leader surprised me and took me to Chilli’s (which was super fun). While at Chilli’s though, it was like I was riding an emotional roller coaster; I was crying one minute and happy the next and I had no idea how to stop the wave of emotions. The first two weeks of being in India was pretty much an ongoing emotional roller coaster.
In the midst of being homesick and completely uncomfortable though; and working through my introverted-thinker self, I started to learn that I can find comfort in Christ. I read 2 Corinthians 1 which is called ‘The God of All Comfort’ and I was flooded with the conviction and realization that I had allowed myself to grow comfortable in my surroundings and I had let my comfort come more from the things that were readily tangible in my hand then allowing myself to be comforted by the Spirit. And from that realization my heart has grown and come to know the truth. The truth that, I can find more comfort in one moment with Christ, than all those material things could in days, months and years. This process and growth I am still working through today and I know that it may never end. But I’m learning and growing in the midst of the process and journey.
All in all, one of the things that I’ve been learning through this season in my life and God is really building on while I’m here in India is this: He will never lead me to a place that He won’t go also. And that He isn’t going to bring to a place and leave me; leave me to fight on my own, fend for myself, walk through trial on my own, and let me drown when life is overwhelming. He said in His word that he would never leave me or forsake me, so why is it when I leave my home country that it’s suddenly feels that He left me to do everything on my own? I’m learning the answer to this question with each passing day here in India.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
And Psalm 46:5 says, “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.”
