Recently, God has been helping me to understand something new
about His love. A challenge placed in front of me has been obedience. Obedience
to God’s word in the Bible. Also, as I’ve been learning to tune into what God
is saying to me personally better than ever before on this trip, I’ve been
challenged in that to obey what He tells me to do. Sometimes it is easy, but
sometimes it is not. Sometimes what He tells me to do makes me uncomfortable or
is the more challenging option. But I am seeing how even these things that He
calls me to, that in the moment seem purposeless or not worth the discomfort
that they’ll cause me, are placed in front of me out of His love.
I used to be such a rule follower (pretty much still am). I got
sucked into a very legalistic view of God. I believed that I had a good
relationship with God because I followed His law and rules well. I did not feel
secure in His love unless I was performing well according to His law. And I
didn’t feel full and satisfied in living this life that I thought He had called
me to. I am now realizing that, as Jack Frost puts in Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship (or as my leader changed it
to, Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Daughterhood), “When intimacy does not
precede fruitfulness, we easily become subject to our own mission, and become
focused upon religious duty, hyper-religious activity, and aggressive striving
that leaves an angry edge in our life and relationships.� Here in Kolkata, with
this team, doing ministry at this site, life isn’t like that. I’m not saying
it’s perfect. But everything our team does, is out of love for one another and
for our ministry. When we struggle and something is not done out of love,
another team member lovingly brings it up.
In India there are different rules for Christians due to society
and practices that are common for other more prevalent religions here, mainly
Hinduism. Due to these stricter rules, I first found myself cringing when I
heard them. I found myself getting defensive. As I’ve prayed about it, Papa has
shown me that these, like all others, are done out of love. Out of love for
Him, and for Christians, Hindus, and Muslims. Because of my past and my
misconception of God, I was fearful that the boys would understand Christianity
to be just a bunch of rules. Which is why I so badly want them to understand
God’s love. And that is why I will keep
telling them of it, keep showing it to them even when they are testing my
patience. I will keep declaring it over them and trusting my Papa that He is
making them feel it down to the core of their very being.
