You won’t relent until You have it all. My heart is yours.
You won’t relent until You have it all. My heart is yours.
I’ve had those lyrics in my head for the past couple days, trying to keep my heart open to God. But I’ll be honest. I came into this trip with a closed heart, both to God and to other people. Yes, I trusted in God that India was where He wanted me to be and was open to Him working in my life but there were still parts of my heart that I tried to keep closed off to Him and everyone else. The part of my heart that is dark and filled with selfishness, pride, and regrets of things I’ve done in the past. The part that is insecure and hurt.
I hide these parts of my heart behind the masks of confidence, strength, and “having it all together”, but in reality I am a breath away from my carefully built house of cards falling down. So I try not to take that breath. I close myself off because letting God in and being vulnerable would shatter this “perfect” little world I’ve created. It would mean handing over control and giving up things in my life. And it would completely change the course of my life forever.
In the past couple months, God has been showing me that if I really wanted Him to work in my life, I would have to open up those parts of my heart that I have kept hidden for so long. And not just to Him but to the people close to me as well. At training camp, I decided to take a leap and start opening up. Even though that was super hard for me, it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
Letting God and his love fill those dark places of my heart was so freeing. There is complete security in giving Him those fears and regrets because no matter what I’ve done in the past or what I do in the future, I am His. I am a daughter of the King and so beautifully made in His image. And I am created for His purpose. To love and be loved by Him and to let that love pour through me to others.
Learning to keep my heart open to God is an ongoing process but like those lyrics say, He won’t relent until He has all my heart. All my being. All my life.
